存在句子不成形的问题，所以在写句子前得先把主干结构立好，再去考虑短语修饰或从句成分。再就是第二、三个论点就有点不像论点。既然你是两者比较，而且你是更倾向于室内的，你第二点想描述的关键词就是室内运动能提供你更科学的健身方式，或者健康的食谱建议，所以healthier以及more scientific关键词得出现在论点里；第三个观点是想有监督的效果，就是“克服你的懒惰倾向”，overcome laziness，这样就能和低一点的自由不重叠。

这个句子基本结构问题我觉得挺大的，所以现在主要是句子得写完整，还有短语when it comes to...“当谈论到……”都用错了。
#华慧考博##考博英语##博士##博士英语##作文批改##英语作文##博士申请#

The Lake Isle of Innisfree
茵尼斯弗利岛

作 者：【爱尔兰】William Butler Yeats (叶芝)
译 者：裘小龙
朗读者：【英】Tony Britton

The Lake Isle of Innisfree
《茵尼斯弗利岛》

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee;
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
我要起身走了，去茵尼斯弗利岛，
用泥土和枝条，建造起一座小屋；
我要有九排云豆架，一个蜜蜂巢，
在林间听群蜂高唱，独居于幽处。

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.
于是我会有安宁，安宁慢慢来到。
从晨曦的面纱到蟋蟀歌唱的地方；
午夜一片闪光，中午有紫霞燃烧，
暮色里，到处飞舞着红雀的翅膀。

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.
我要起身走了，因为我总是听到，
听到湖水日夜轻轻拍打着湖滨；
我站在公路，或在灰色的人行道，
我心灵深处总听见那波涛声声。 #谭松韵生日发自己写的歌# [心]#谭松韵说走就走可以吗#

“Story begins in a hot summer, a boy carrying his luggage, alone to this unfamiliar, facing the strangers. He was not dare to admit his failure , with regret and weakness so he suffered , day and nights. eventually he knows life not always go perfect. Now the episode comes to the end in a sudden day. What will happen in the next stage? Who knows.Just keep going”