“我曾想：到了纽约，随着环境的巨大变换，我能成为任何我想成为的人。我想总会有一个计划，或者发生一个事件，然后我就永远不会感到孤独了，我会成为很棒的那种人——找不到个更好的词，就说像Carrie Bradshaw那样棒吧。可事实上呢，很多时候我仍然是独自一人，我想是因为我害怕给周围的人添麻烦吧——如果我不够有趣呢？如果我悲伤和抱怨的那一面多过我好的那一面呢？我是在浪费别人的时间吗？当我和别人在一起时，我害怕去要求一定程度上的友好和尊重，因为也许那样会让我更觉得自己是个负担。所以我跟别人接触不多，很多时候都在独处。但在Snapchat上看到人家去逛而没我，我还是会搓火。但我也正在尽量改变这种想法。如果我没努力过，就不该觉得自己被冷落。我不是现实生活的主角，我不能指望仅仅因为我的存在，良好的人际关系就会落到我的头上来。”
注 ：Carrie Bradshaw，《欲望都市》第一女主角，活得洒脱。
“I thought when I came to New York it was going to be this huge change of scenery and that I could be whoever I want to be. I thought there’d always be a plan, or an event, and that I’d never feel alone, and that I’d be very ‘fabulous’ — for lack of a better word. ‘Carrie Bradshaw-esque,’ so to speak. But in reality, I still spend a lot of time alone. I think it’s because I’m afraid of being a burden on those around me. What if I’m not fun enough? What if the parts of me that are sad and complaining outweigh the parts of me that are good? Will I be wasting other people’s time? And when I do spend time with other people, I’m afraid to demand a certain level of kindness and respect. Because maybe that will make me even more of a burden. So I don’t reach out to other people very much. I spend a lot of time alone. But then I still get mad when I look on Snapchat and see people hanging out without me. But I’m trying to change my thinking. I’m not allowed to feel left out if I’m not making an effort. I’m not the protagonist of reality. I can’t expect good relationships to happen just because I exist.”
注 ：Carrie Bradshaw，《欲望都市》第一女主角，活得洒脱。
“I thought when I came to New York it was going to be this huge change of scenery and that I could be whoever I want to be. I thought there’d always be a plan, or an event, and that I’d never feel alone, and that I’d be very ‘fabulous’ — for lack of a better word. ‘Carrie Bradshaw-esque,’ so to speak. But in reality, I still spend a lot of time alone. I think it’s because I’m afraid of being a burden on those around me. What if I’m not fun enough? What if the parts of me that are sad and complaining outweigh the parts of me that are good? Will I be wasting other people’s time? And when I do spend time with other people, I’m afraid to demand a certain level of kindness and respect. Because maybe that will make me even more of a burden. So I don’t reach out to other people very much. I spend a lot of time alone. But then I still get mad when I look on Snapchat and see people hanging out without me. But I’m trying to change my thinking. I’m not allowed to feel left out if I’m not making an effort. I’m not the protagonist of reality. I can’t expect good relationships to happen just because I exist.”
终于把他塔拉那个最受争议的视频看完了
抛去她评论回复想凸显的privilege来看
整个视频传输的观点我还是很认同的
和她在同一个学校读同样的专业
在看到她说她也读不懂Butler的文献时我有一丝欣慰
在讲Butler那节课上我全程大脑放空
好在那节是一个中国人tutor 我们下课的时候用中文问了她很多知识点
那时候我才发现我并不是“笨”而听不懂
而是我英语不够好 以及难以理解他们的context而听不懂
看到她说她读这个专业时全年级只有她一个国际生
而现在我所在的班级已经有三分之一的亚裔了
我想这是一种进步
btw.我到现在还是没给自己起英文名
每节课我都用自己的中文名
“I speak the plurality of my identity”
抛去她评论回复想凸显的privilege来看
整个视频传输的观点我还是很认同的
和她在同一个学校读同样的专业
在看到她说她也读不懂Butler的文献时我有一丝欣慰
在讲Butler那节课上我全程大脑放空
好在那节是一个中国人tutor 我们下课的时候用中文问了她很多知识点
那时候我才发现我并不是“笨”而听不懂
而是我英语不够好 以及难以理解他们的context而听不懂
看到她说她读这个专业时全年级只有她一个国际生
而现在我所在的班级已经有三分之一的亚裔了
我想这是一种进步
btw.我到现在还是没给自己起英文名
每节课我都用自己的中文名
“I speak the plurality of my identity”
近日发现两间曾去过的老店都在2022年关张了：State College的水烟吧Chronic Town，14-16年间在那儿看了一些小乐队的演出，我记得好像不能饮酒，有弹珠机、有黑胶唱片卖。纽约东村的日本酒吧Angel's Share，93年开张、没撑到30周年，藏在居酒屋横丁边上，2015年那天看完JAMC之后来这里喝了，回上海后发现Speak Low当时的二楼酒单上有AS的特调酒款（因为主理人Shingo有纽约经历），才对SL产生了感情并常去（但也三四年没去啦！）。任时间匆匆流去～
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